A winter Friday afternoon. 1:37 pm. Dehradun. A place I also call home, happiness, hiding place, safety cushion, love.

As I reluctantly worked on my laptop, disinterested, owing to the fact that I am serving my notice period, I got distracted by a basket of fruits placed on the dining table next to me.

I turned my gaze in all directions, quickly scanned the room to see if anyone was watching. (Even though it was completely unnecessary). Then, as if committing a crime, I stealthily pulled the basket toward me and plucked a piece of fresh green grape.

Grapes. How much I loved the fruit when I was a kid, I thought, savouring the taste of the sweet, juicy piece in my mouth. Suddenly, as if in a Marvel Universe movie, I was teleported to my childhood.

Grapes. I loved grapes. So much so, that my mother had to ask me to save some for my sisters. So much so, that once I made myself sick by eating a bit too many of them. I remember, I would pluck a whole bunch, hold it over my face, and chew on it directly: Just like those princesses in all the cartoon movies I watched.

So, when did I stop relishing grapes? I mean, back then they were available only in monsoons, now they can be found all year long. When was the last time I ate them. Probably a couple months back. But, was I even mindful of the fact that I was eating my favourite fruit? Did I savour it like I was doing right now? And even while doing so, I felt guilty. I had to make sure no one was watching. As if I was flouting some norm.

And then it hit me. It was the norm of adulthood. The expectation of always hustling, always working. The era of our lives where being burnt out is glamorised, and taking a break almost cripples us with anxiety. Where even enjoying a piece of grape makes us feel like we haven’t earned it.

When did life come to this? When did we become one of the AI tools we so fondly amaze over?

11 years of burning myself out, and one agonising notice period: That’s what it took me to finally enjoy that one tiny globe of what tasted like freedom, peace, joy, relief. That’s what it took me to re-discover how delicious my favourite fruit is.

Grapes. I hope I never stop enjoying them again…